In Recovery

Hi there,
I miss blogging and seem to have a lot on my mind lately, so I'm resurrecting the blog. Since last I saw you Al Anon has saved my life for the second time. I think every human being on the planet should be required to enroll in a recovery group of their choice by the time they are twelve. It seems to me that we are all addicts or co-dependents, but maybe I'm projecting.

In my months back "in recovery" I have noticed that addicts tend toward talking about accountability and they can be rather harsh in their cadid assessments of another's perspective on a problem. I assume it is because that is what they most need. Co-dependents emphasize being kind to ourselves and gentle, reminding ourselves that the goal is progress, not perfection and everything is okay in the now.

I am a co-dependent, never satisfied with my own behavior and rarely satisfied with anyone else's behavior either. I seem be more forgiving of others than of myself, though. I think that is because I just don't care about others all that much. If they aren't doing their best, who cares?

Unfortunately, when I don't do my best I suffer consequences. I get anxiety and physical symptoms of stress. I don't like myself much and I begin unhealthy avoidance behaviors, which of course only magnify the problem. Often I think the answer is to just do my best and avoid the whole ridiculous cycle, but of course, recovery teaches me to just "keep it simple", "keep coming back" and take it "one day at a time." Sigh. I'm trying, really I am. Meanwhile, it is time to go to Al Anon.

I hope to write more regularly here again.
Thanks for reading and please, keep coming back! I'm glad you are here!
Mary