About Priorities

Dear Friends,
I'm thinking about priorities. My daughter is going to an expensive college and we are short $1600 from her first semester. I've always assumed my kids were my first priority and that I would do whatever it takes to get them launched in life. But I'm on disability and have limited income. If I make more money than I do now I risk losing Medicare and Medicaid. My daughter was already kicked off Medicaid because she is 19 and not pregnant. My application for a parent PLUS loan was denied because my student loans were forgiven due to my disability. I cannot get any new student loans. I knew that, of course, but never thought about it affecting my ability to help my daughter stay in school.

She is an A student with a bright future and knows what she wants to do with her life. I can't just let her be blocked from continuing her education, but how can I come up with that kind of money ~ both now, and each semester until she graduates? Is making her my priority enough? Did I make a mistake encouraging her to pursue what she desires in life? Should I have taught her to get a job and make her own way instead? That is what my parents taught me. I worked since I was 14, but somehow missed out on the high school experience and never developed a real passion. I want to encourage her. But how?

I want to declutter my house and live in a clean, peaceful, and beautiful home. I've worked on it quite a bit during the school break, but still have a long way to go. Yet, I sit here and play a game on the computer instead of scrubbing floors.

School starts back January 28, which seems so far away, but now is only 18 more days. I have major plans for tomorrow, Monday, and Tuesday, so that brings it to 15 days. I already have two assignments that are due when school starts. So, I need to order my books and get started. Sigh.

My son is growing up so fast. Yesterday we travelled to see him perform at the state conference of high school thespians. His performance was amazing, as was the whole show. He is dating a lovely, adorable girl. He seems to be doing so well, but do I give him enough attention and time? No. Of course not.

I have a meeting on Monday with my "Commission on Ordination." They are going to ask me all sorts of questions about how much God is doing in my life and how sure I am of my call to ministry and ordination. My answers are: "Um... not sure." Not wise to say that, though.

I love Mike desperately, or at least I think I do. Yet I'm desperately unhappy. I want so badly to be in love with a man who loves me (Mike does) AND makes me his priority (Mike doesn't).

So I wake up every morning wondering what is important to me. How should I spend my time and money and resources today? If I knew what I wanted it would sure help.

Imagine a good life,
Mary